Using Tinder to endeavour to initiate a threesome is a humbling exercise in semi-public shame. There are but then many profiles with phrases similar “Go your UGLY BOYFRIEND out of here” that ane tin swipe through before feeling thoroughly turned off past the whole state of affairs. When threesomes happen organically (which, in one past experience, was due to edibles and the first two minutes of
Magic Mike!) they can exist insanely hot. But that spontaneous chemistry is hard to notice—or y’all finish up sleeping with your boyfriend and a friend, which can be precarious territory.
Merely in 2019, your options for finding threesomes or moresomes online are many and varied. Apps like Feeld and subreddits like r/threesome be specifically to connect individuals and couples looking for threesomes or other kinds of group sex arrangements. This saves the feel of beingness a much-maligned couple on Tinder, and in theory, that’southward a dream.
Aside from Feeld (previously Thrinder), which has been
covered, other elevation-ranked apps include 3Fun, 3rder, and 3Sum. In my experience, these apps are oftentimes less intuitive than Feeld, with an cryptic system of roses, hearts, and likes that all seem to mean somehow different things and the aforementioned thing. The r/threesome subreddit is fairly straight; in that location’southward typically a provocative subject line, accompanying photo, and a i-to-two sentence invitation. But how well do they really work? Beneath, ELLE talked with vii people who’ve used threesome dating apps and sites to join a couple or discover a unicorn.
More than From ELLE
On deciding to use a threesome app:
“I had relationships with women before starting to appointment my partner, so sleeping with women together seemed like a fun thing to endeavor. We used Feeld, and just met women through there, even though nosotros both as well had Tinder and Bumble accounts. For those, there was a lot more than difficulty. I saw many profiles of women who non merely expressed their preference confronting but their actual distaste for anyone looking for a threesome. Seemed aggressive to me.”
“I ever had a sex bucket list and, later on ending things with a partner eight months prior, I thought it was time to practice something on my listing, something fun and sexually explorative. I used the app Kinkoo, which is an app popular for people with item fetishes and things within the BDSM community. I was single and looking to see an attractive couple.”—Natalie, 24
On the experience of using apps:
“Over the last ii years, [my partner and I have] gone on dates/slept with 10 women. Overall, all of them were successful. Just 1 caused some drama—feelings existence caught for one of us on her end, which led to a very serious conversation almost needing to brand sure exactly what everyone wants and is looking for extremely clear from the beginning. The majority of the women we saw for at to the lowest degree two to three dates and got along with really well. There were two or three that fizzled out afterwards one date or didn’t lead to sex.”—Melissa, 29
“[My wife and I] have membership at a few swingers’ websites. But nosotros’re always looking for other ways to connect with people. So nosotros looked at iOS apps, and 3fun appeared to have the virtually downloads, and then we grabbed information technology. We volition continue to use it despite naught success with it. It’south just a numbers game—the more feelers we have out there, the higher the chances of meeting others that we can play with.”—Steve, 54
“Overall, there’south no serious platform out there, app-wise, that properly works for threesomes and grouping sex. It’s too like shooting fish in a barrel to remain flaky. I wish there was a ‘couple’ pick in Tinder, or an option to list not-monogamy/open relationships, and so it’south more than clear.”—Stin, 25
“My married woman and I have been using Feeld on and off for years simply have only met ane person in existent life, and it ultimately went nowhere. Our experience matches a lot of the other comments on [Reddit] where the vast majority of users [on the app] are either window shopping out of pure curiosity with no real intention of ever doing annihilation, or couples looking for a non-real unicorn.”—Henry, xxx
On how they apply the app:
“If I’m being completely honest, I observe the very beginning of dating/reaching out to people exhausting, so my partner handles all of the initial contacts and most of the chatting pre-date…When he makes a connection with someone and she seems interested in setting upwardly a engagement, he’ll show me her contour and we’ll decide to move frontward.”—Melissa, 29
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“I let my husband do the initial contact of guys, because, well, 1 in 20 will actually exist able to concord a conversation, then from in that location, information technology’s finding someone who only clicks. Husband is a great filter for me. He knows what kind of guy I similar and deals with the ocean of junk pics for me. But after that, he lets me talk to them alone to begin with, and and then we have a grouping conversation, from which we kickoff to push the idea of meeting if it’southward all going well.”—Hannah, 30
“On Feeld, it seems similar there is a much higher gamble of matching with some other couple, but even then, it generally seems similar y’all are matching with the guy. There is no way of knowing if the girl is even real or how into anything she really is. Nosotros’re not super into the thought of another couple, only aren’t opposed to it either, and then we’ve taken to only swiping yeah on couple profiles where it’s the girl’southward profile. Nosotros desire to make sure everyone is on the same page, then we effigy if the girl is into information technology, information technology’s rubber to presume the guy is as well.”—Henry, 30
On how oftentimes conversations turn into existent-life dates:
“The best way we’ve found of getting it to transition to a date is to, fairly early, push button the idea of meeting up for a social run across. A social is where you see up without whatever intent to play on that twenty-four hour period, nothing intent at all. If they’re not willing to exercise that, then there’southward a good chance they’re non interested in actually meeting.”—Hannah, thirty
“[My hubby and I] have talked to lots of women just oasis’t really met with any of them even so. The women that match our profiles either are only entering the world of considering bisexuality and want me to talk them into information technology or are absolute balls-to-the-wall BDSM ‘Tell me what you’d make me practice’ types. I’thousand not looking for either…I’m not trying to convert anyone or strength someone or play sexting tag…I’chiliad a trivial disillusioned by these apps.”—Felicia, 40
“I really dislike the back and forth without actual contiguous communication, and I judge it’s that forwardness that other people notice attractive as well. [My partner] is really good at request a lot of questions about the other person, and he’s a lot more naturally flirty in text than I am. I think information technology too helps that I’grand queer, and I say that on our contour. Also, we make sure to non be pushy just instead offer a casual drink in public as a first engagement. No strings attached, merely to run into and take fun and run into what happens, and definitely in public.”—Melissa, 29
“[Kinkoo] led to one appointment with the guy I had the threesome with. Nosotros only had one date where we met briefly and got coffee, then I went with him to his girl’due south identify and had the threesome and then. Overall, the experience was great and everything I wanted it to be.”—Natalie, 24
On what makes someone appealing…or non:
“Honestly, what makes a person appealing is a good-looking couple since [I’m] not looking to really date these people. Turn offs would be if they were requesting something I definitely was not into like blood play or scat play.”—Natalie, 24
“I honey when the woman we’re talking to seems friendly and enthusiastic. I typically am not turned on or attracted to the ‘chase’—I prefer existence chased. So, in that style, if I feel like I have to fish or work too difficult or hold someone’due south hand I’m not really interested. So enthusiasm, experience (if not with threesomes at the very least beingness with another woman), and merely having things in common and fun things to talking about.”—Melissa, 29
“Equally a guy in his mid 20’south, I see why the swinger/lifestyle customs is older. People my age don’t know what they want. People claim they’re open-minded, exploratory, and ‘living freely’, but in reality people are obsessed with meeting the standards we all impose on each other (relationships, what’s normal, etc) and are afraid of trying new things in a culture that I’d argue is sexually repressive. This lifestyle is Hard, and it takes a lot of maturity and patience to navigate information technology.”—Stin, 25
“Guys, talk in sentences. Y’all’d be surprised how many remember that my presence on these apps ways I’1000 merely there to play with anyone and that I don’t have whatsoever tastes or preferences. Betoken two, even if you’ve been blessed, please don’t simply transport unsolicited pictures of your junk. I know what they look like, yours isn’t much different. Final point, please, just be yourself! If you’re a geeky guy, state it, wear it as a bluecoat of pride. We’re looking for people nosotros can hold a conversation with, considering it’southward non all activeness!”—Hannah, 30
Names take been changed and interviews lightly edited for clarity
Kelsey Lawrence is a freelance journalist who’southward written about everything from immature designers reclaiming western habiliment to the interior design of The Cheesecake Manufacturing plant.